JP and MaryAnn missed out on this fantastic "B" movie. It had a bit of everything (Jesus, a Mexican-style wrestler, Mary Magnum, Vampires) while still discussing one of the common problems with new Vampire movies, namely, what's the deal? In this movie, it was discussed that Vampirism can be a virus, a bacteria, or even a fungal infection (with something quantum mentioned). It was also mentioned that the property of light which destroys Vampires may be the way light can act as either a wave of a particle. These Vampires were vulnerable to garlic ($.50 for extra garlic sauce considered worth it by Jesus), stakes, and sunlight. Crosses (at least makeshift ones formed by windshield wipers) seemed not to affect them. These vampires were able to hang around in daylight, however, as they had gotten skin grafts from normal humans (lesbians, in this case, but only because 'nobody would miss them'). However, not even these sun-tolerating Vampires could withstand the light of God, which shone out of Jesus when he was staked. All in all, this movie ranks up there with some of the best I have ever seen.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter [2001]
JP and MaryAnn missed out on this fantastic "B" movie. It had a bit of everything (Jesus, a Mexican-style wrestler, Mary Magnum, Vampires) while still discussing one of the common problems with new Vampire movies, namely, what's the deal? In this movie, it was discussed that Vampirism can be a virus, a bacteria, or even a fungal infection (with something quantum mentioned). It was also mentioned that the property of light which destroys Vampires may be the way light can act as either a wave of a particle. These Vampires were vulnerable to garlic ($.50 for extra garlic sauce considered worth it by Jesus), stakes, and sunlight. Crosses (at least makeshift ones formed by windshield wipers) seemed not to affect them. These vampires were able to hang around in daylight, however, as they had gotten skin grafts from normal humans (lesbians, in this case, but only because 'nobody would miss them'). However, not even these sun-tolerating Vampires could withstand the light of God, which shone out of Jesus when he was staked. All in all, this movie ranks up there with some of the best I have ever seen.
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this movie was quite the interesting one. and i must say those of you who did not get a chance to watch it missed out.
ReplyDeletei think the part with the skin grafts so that the vampires could walk in the sun was a pretty interesting solution to the whole sun problem that we have not seen yet. too bad they couldnt graft skin that could withstand the light of god.
one of my many questions about this movie would have to do with the picture that nik put up... what does that even mean?
Well, if you were paying attention to the movie, you would have noted that the last thing said in the entire movie was "And remember: Five ... keeps the neighborhood alive," followed with a Jesus/Santos high-five. So I made the poster. Also, the huge group of people who Jesus fought who we thought were Satanists, they were actually atheists. Much scarier than Satanists. At least Satanists believe in something.
ReplyDeleteyah. i saw what happened. i just dont get the saying i guess.
ReplyDeleteIt refers to high fives.
ReplyDeleteJust a couple other things: one of our bigger question about this movie is wtf was Santos? What was his deal? Apparently, he's a direct knockoff of Santo, a luchador who became a folk icon and appeared in various movies (even including animated) and fought monsters, including vampires. So that's where he comes from. Also, I'd like to mention that that lady with the repeatedly groped bottom was named "Gloria Oddbottom" (in the opening credits). Also, that song we were trying to hear the words of at the end, I found a good copy of it(http://www.odessafilmworks.com/jcvh/everybody.mp3), and here are the lyrics:
ReplyDeleteIt's all good,
It's all right,
Everybody get laid...
Tonight!
He came from heaven, two stakes in his hands,
To smote the vampires, and free the land.
Come now and join him, all ye strong and bold;
We'll fight together, like the days of old!
It's all good,
It's all right,
Everybody get laid tonight,
It's all good,
It's all right,
Everybody get laid...
Tonight!
Behold his glory, come praise the light,
That has delivered us from the endless night!
Come sound the trumpet! Prepare the feast!
And make the joyful shout, to he who slayed the beasts!
It's all good,
It's all right,
Everybody get laid tonight (tonight),
It's all good,
It's all right,
Everybody get laid...
Tonight!
Get laaaaaaaaaaaid...
Tonight! Tonight, toniiiiiiiiiight...
Be you young, old, weak, poor,
Come and join him now, you are not alone!
It's all good,
It's all right,
Everybody get laid tonight, (Tonight)
It's all good,
It's all right
Everybody get laid tonight!
It's all good,
It's all right, (He is the lord of light)
Everybody get laid tonight! (And he commands you!)
It's all good, (Get laid!)
It's all right,
Everybody get laid tonight! (Tonight)
It's all good, (And EVERY night!)
It's all right, (ForEVAH!)
Everybody get laid tonight!
It's all good,
It's all right,
Everybody get laid tonight!
It's all good,
It's all right,
Everybody get laid tonight!
It's all good,
It's all right,
Everybody get laid tonight...